"mixed emotions"

I'm not quite sure where to begin; I know this past week has been a mess, both our faults, I'm not just directing that to you. I have had ten million things run through my mind the past few days, and I am going to try and get a few of them out right now.

For one, I do cherish your friendship, like I said in one of my messages, you and I have shared things and conversations about our lives, our families that I would never with anyone else. The main reason for that is because I trust you, and you listen to me, as I do to you. I can say that I have had some of the most wonderful times with you that I have ever had in my entire life, so much laughing and smiling. I had told you once before that when you talk I hold onto every word that comes out of your mouth and it's like they are engraved in the back of my mind forever. I can't answer why you have that affect on me; maybe it's the fact that we have become such good friends. To be quite honest with you, I don't trust people very easily as you very well know, and I could probably say the same for you. I think that is why I did let that wall down and let you into my life and my heart, because I felt safe, so let me ask you, why do I feel like building it back up?

You tell me how important it is to you to have me in your life, as what? Then you say that if I found someone that makes me happy, you don't want to hold me back from that. Don't you understand that I am happy with you? So when you say things like that it confuses me. I'm not sure how you differentiate between a love and friendship. So, I am going to tell you how I personally separate the two of them: for one I don't spend the weekends with my friends, holding them, talking to them, being intimate, that's just not me (nor is it a friendly relationship), it never has been and never will be. I think the things that we've shared (and again this is me thinking - you might disagree), the things that have been between you and I have been very special to me. They go beyond friendship.

I can't continue seeing you and feel the way that I have been lately. You give me a mixture of extreme happiness along with confusion. But I just want to be so honest with you since I sort of can’t take this anymore. Do you really love me? Or you just don’t have the trust on me?