So much things to say

Time just passed by so fast. Who would have thought that in just a short span of time, a simple friend would eventually turn into a great bestfriend..and then to someone really special to you. But maybe, what's more convincing is that "Fate works in mysterious ways". So mysterious that you no longer notice where it leads you,only to find out in the end, "what you've once held on to has been already gone".And what makes it more mysterious? It's when, there are things you cannot understand, thoughts you cannot speak out, and feelings you cannot express because you're scared of knowing that it was not the right thing. Well, I still believe that everything happens for a reason. Up until right now, I could still remember how we came to be friends up until to that night where we've ended up everything. I couldn't help but wish that we all have the power to know the future (of whats gonna happen next!)- to spare us all from the pain caused by the mistakes in our life. But I know, that's just so imposible (diba?). But when I come to think of it, what's our FAITH and HOPE for if there wouldn't be any "mystery" that makes life worth living? (the spirit!haha) Would there be more exciting of the thrill of discovering the UNKNOWN?.. Sometimes, it's just too tired. Why? Because along the way, you couldn't avoid to feel PAIN because obviously, it's part of life. And It's always easier to stay in a corner and cry on to the things you've lost but- wouldn't that just rob us of the joy of life?

(blah..blah..blahh..)*sigh* Honestly, this is the first time I'm writing in here something that makes SENSE. I dont know, but I just have the feeling that someone there might remember to visit this site again. (and if you're reading, para nimo jud ni!).......

In that span of time we've been together, I never thought that I will meet someone as TRUE as you are. Though I must have admit that since you came, I've became so dependent to you.
"When I'm here you have to be here too" kind of thing! Almost all the time, we had each other. You save me from the the "kapalpakans" I've made since he left me. *sigh*What I really want to reach out to you is that, though we've got our own lives right now, I hope you'd never change for the people you will be meeting in your life someday just because of what happened. I hope, you'd still be the same person I had. Don't worry a lot because, we have our whole life ahead of us. (knowing ikaw manjuy mas daghag problems natoh!) I always believe that you're a strong person. (i know I freakin sound like a NUN right now but i mean everything I've said). Just dont be scared of letting people know who you really are!*cry*I know for sure, that they will appreciate more the person I've seen in YOU.

FINALLY, this is it. In the right time, life reveals the answers to these mysteries. Coz for sure, there's this "INVISIBLE" thread that binds everything. Just like a "cross-stich" design, it takes TIME and PATIENCE before you can see the whole picture. We just have to WAIT. :-)


xoxo, "BAI"

HOPELESS EXPECTATIONS

It was quiet long since the last time i posted any "crap" in here.. And now, Im starting again this new "crap" that would be added to my posts. Reading the late posts here in this blog makes me go back into those times i suppose not the same old "TINE" i am right now. But it was also ironic, how i came to realize that I've miss the way i am back then. Coz sometimes, it's just too tired being "the other Tine already". If only we could turn back times, there could have never been mistakes, if onlys, and regrets. If only i could have come up with the right words to describe the emotions i exactly feel right now. Fooling yourself was indeed the foolest game i've ever played. Just as I thought i'd get over those memories you left with HIS presence. But I dont know whenever I look into HIS eyes, i see the pain of our past that never dies. HE was great. HE's all that I got. Where were you when I was at the worst part in my life? You never tried or attemp to straighten things between us. You always left me hanging while I myself, also left HIM confused. You always hurt me, as well as I am hurting HIM too. I know, I've been unfair to HIS part but what can I do, if everything in me still belongs to YOU? So, is this the way we call it "LOVE?"... A never ending process of "FIGHTING yet not knowing what you're fighting for?" And what makes it so much painful to me is how you can envision your life without me! Where have gone all those promises you once said? I guess promises are really made to be broken. You made me believe that. BUT still here i am,waiting for those signs which sometimes leaves me with HOPELESS expectations.. And so, the best thing to do right now would be to miss you ... no more, no less. I just pray that somehow this heart of mine would learn to be contented - contented to be just missing you. .

HOW CAN I EARN BACK YOUR TRUST?

I miss the way we were. I wish with all my heart that there was some way that we could go back to the days where your eyes beheld me as the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, when your heart felt lighter in my presence, when the thought of me kept you warm on a cold night. I still feel this way about you.I know that I am the one to blame for letting that light in your eyes die. I know that I messed up, that the things that I did were wrong, and I wish that there were something that I could do to go back in time and change them. I know what it's like to be hurt the way that I have hurt you. It hurt me to see the pain that I caused and not be able to do anything to make it better. What can I do for you to forgive me, to let me into your heart again, to earn back your trust and once again feel the fullness of your love?

I look back on all that I took for granted, and I only wish that I had appreciated it, and I know that if I had that back, I would work to keep it. I wouldn't push it away like I did then. I would ask in every moment of the radiance of your love. I want a chance to love you the right way, but I need you to let me in. The distance between us tears at my heart. It is there even when I am in your arms. Yes, I have suffered for my sins, the greatest suffering I have ever known: feeling as if I have lost you and your love. I am asking that you forgive me.

We've decided to stay together, I'm glad of that, but what I really want is the chance to do it right, to make it stronger and better than it ever was. I want the chance to prove that I've changed, that I can be trustworthy, honest, open, giving, and understanding. I know I have a lot to do before I earn back that trust, but I'd like the chance to try. Love is what makes the difficult easy, and the impossible possible. I know that I am asking for the impossible- to be forgiven.

I look at you now with new eyes. I have a new appreciation for the wonderful things about you that once I took for granted, and the beauty of a face that reflects both the man I love and my most loyal and dearest friend. No longer can I take you for granted, you are too important to me, too precious on every level; my best friend, the man I love; the one whose heart I once held in my hands. If only I had treated it right then, I know that I would hold it still.

The words of a song keep floating through my head, "could have been a perfect love? I’m still trying. I know you’ve lost your faith in me, now I’m crying." Even though you are in my arms, I know that you don't trust me with your heart and it hurts me.