HOW CAN I EARN BACK YOUR TRUST?

I miss the way we were. I wish with all my heart that there was some way that we could go back to the days where your eyes beheld me as the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, when your heart felt lighter in my presence, when the thought of me kept you warm on a cold night. I still feel this way about you.I know that I am the one to blame for letting that light in your eyes die. I know that I messed up, that the things that I did were wrong, and I wish that there were something that I could do to go back in time and change them. I know what it's like to be hurt the way that I have hurt you. It hurt me to see the pain that I caused and not be able to do anything to make it better. What can I do for you to forgive me, to let me into your heart again, to earn back your trust and once again feel the fullness of your love?

I look back on all that I took for granted, and I only wish that I had appreciated it, and I know that if I had that back, I would work to keep it. I wouldn't push it away like I did then. I would ask in every moment of the radiance of your love. I want a chance to love you the right way, but I need you to let me in. The distance between us tears at my heart. It is there even when I am in your arms. Yes, I have suffered for my sins, the greatest suffering I have ever known: feeling as if I have lost you and your love. I am asking that you forgive me.

We've decided to stay together, I'm glad of that, but what I really want is the chance to do it right, to make it stronger and better than it ever was. I want the chance to prove that I've changed, that I can be trustworthy, honest, open, giving, and understanding. I know I have a lot to do before I earn back that trust, but I'd like the chance to try. Love is what makes the difficult easy, and the impossible possible. I know that I am asking for the impossible- to be forgiven.

I look at you now with new eyes. I have a new appreciation for the wonderful things about you that once I took for granted, and the beauty of a face that reflects both the man I love and my most loyal and dearest friend. No longer can I take you for granted, you are too important to me, too precious on every level; my best friend, the man I love; the one whose heart I once held in my hands. If only I had treated it right then, I know that I would hold it still.

The words of a song keep floating through my head, "could have been a perfect love? I’m still trying. I know you’ve lost your faith in me, now I’m crying." Even though you are in my arms, I know that you don't trust me with your heart and it hurts me.

..friends that i value...

Friends seems to be our only refuge...most especially in times when we needed a lot of their comforting words and in times that we fall. The one who would understand and accept us no matter what. The one who shouldn’t turn his or her backs when everyone’s judging you in a different way. The one that would accept your decisions. The one you can lean on and cry with. But now?? …It seems so different…they’ve been the reasons for my tears and it’s really broking me into pieces. Now I’ve been losing them, because of those foolish things that I’ve done. And how can I go and fight in this suspicious life without people who believes in me?

I’ve been thinking…I really don’t want to take any risk now…Now that I know they hated me. I really am so hurt when I realized they have to leave me for I wasn’t that good enough to be their friends and we’re having conflicts all of this time. Yeah…maybe, because we’ve never been the same...we even have different personalities…and it’s quite obvious that because of that we could hardly understand each other. But that’s really fine…I accept them being my friends..But I don’t think they still accept me and to think…I wasn’t been a good one for them. I was just nothing! But what hurts most is they never got to listen my side. I admit that I’m just a new one and obviously just not “one of them” so trying to be is a just a waste time. And it’s so stressful thinking about this when they never even try to think of me. So maybe the best thing for me now is to accept the fact. I know I can’t give up this friendship because these people still means a lot in my life when I’ve been sharing them my pleasures and frustrations the time we still have each other. Giving up is hard, though. But I really wish that I have the nerve to give up..to put my heart in peace and to end these tears and pains that I’m trying to hide. All these days I’ve been always alone. And this time I realized that you could never own everything when you think you did. That you can’t just have what you want. And life is really unfair.

I taught I would never have to believe in this. But it just really shows now that “friends come but time comes that they will go!” Sometimes, your rights are their wrongs! It’s really complicated. Without even knowing that you’ll lose them because of that. I know I’ve been such a fool the past week and these days. That I’ve never been myself and absolutely I change! That’s what they’ve been saying, but what I cannot understand is the time I needed them the most, the time they’ll have to leave me. And now??? It’s like I’m just nothing! That friendship never exist in our hearts but I fully understands them in a way that “ I wasn’t what they’re looking for”. They deserve someone better…
But my belief is that …I’ll still consider them my valued friends..for they make me realized a lot lessons in life….